Punishment

I try my best to stay positive, happy, and to a degree non-personal about what is going on around me though lately it feels like I am being punished for crimes against friendship that I am pretty sure I didn't violate.  I am talking about incidents that happened years ago, though I am still the one being punished.

I just don't get it.  

I am the constant, the one that is always there, the one that will do anything for my friends, but I am the one being ignored.  Maybe it's because I don't flatter people's egos, I probably give too much and get taken advantage of which I am aware of.  (Also, been fighting a huge bout of loneliness lately since ending a previous relationship that looking back on I wasn't quite ready for).  Maybe I am reading too much into the non-actions of friends or maybe not.  Facebook can be an awesome thing and sometimes it can be very cruel.  Great if you want to torture yourself with "that could have been me" mentality.  I guess what I am trying to state it that I feel like Colonel Branden in Sense & Sensibility; always well thought of, has high regard, though no one actually wants around.

I know I was going to try to be more positive, but you can only hold so much before it spills out.  I really should go see a therapist.